Missing Mile's Independent Voice

O Romero, Romero!

In Breaking News, Local News, Medical on October 12, 2009 at 6:08 pm
This HAZMAT tent was errected next to Virtue Memorial Hospital. Inside, bite victims Arashi Ryba and Zoey Clowes await the antidote serum from Dr. Richard Stevenson.

This HAZMAT tent was errected next to Virtue Memorial Hospital. Inside, bite victims Arashi Ryba and Zoey Clowes await the antidote serum from Dr. Richard Stevenson CDC.

On the streets of Missing Mile it was a case of dead men walking – literally.

Those irreparably infected with the Romero virus, commonly known as Zombies, helped themselves to a smörgåsbord of human flesh as unsuspecting citizens ran for their lives.

This is not the first time the Romero virus has surfaced in Missing Mile, though after remaining dormant for so long, the question lingers; why now? What has brought this virus of the undead back to life in our city?

“It could be for a number of reasons. Anything from overexposure to the sun to an untreated case of Herpes could bring the Romero virus back to the surface,” speculated Dr. Hank Lemon who was on scene in Virtue Memorial Hospital’s Emergency Room.

Symptoms of full blown Romero include vomiting black blood, decaying of the flesh, uncontrollable rage, an urge to bite, and cravings for human flesh.

“You start to look at your fellow humans as a primary food source,” elaborated Dr. Richard Stevenson CDC.

This gastrointestinal lust for human flesh serves not only to feed the Zombies, but to spread the Romero virus amongst the population.  Zoey Clowes knew something was wrong after being bitten in the right arm when the following symptoms began to present.

“The bite wound started to burn, kind of like someone pouring acid on my arm and it was seeping through. Then every step felt like I was carrying a truck on my back. The burning started to spread and I was sweating like crazy.”

As time progressed, her symptoms worsened to the point that she nearly gave up all hope for remedy.

“I couldn’t hear anything anymore. Everything was blurry and suddenly I was angry, for no reason at all I just felt angry and” she paused,  “hungry.”

Luckily, a serum has been invented since the last outbreak which halts and eliminates the virus from the system of those bitten if administered within one hour of puncture;  with a 99.96% success rate no less.

“The last time we had an outbreak, our only antidote was a shotgun,” recalled Dr. Lemon.

Approximately 30 minutes after being bitten, Clowes received this antidote which also granted her immunity from the disease for a 24-hour period.  However, for some, the experience of the antidote was worse than the initial attack.

“It was like someone injecting me with acid, or lava, something so hot it could burn through steel,” described suspected bite victim MMPD Sergeant Aleksi Zaytsev.

Clowes echoed this with her account of the experience, “Like fire – worse than the poison from the bite itself. It’s a pain you cant really describe.”

Painful, but necessary to prevent the transmission of the disease, Dr. Stevenson estimated treating at least 10 bite victims with the serum as of press time.

Though preventative measures are few once in the midst of a Zombie, there are a few precautions you can take to ensure the health and safety of you and your loved ones.

“Make sure your friends and relatives can speak and haven’t got any bite marks before allowing them in to your shelter,” cautioned Sgt. Zaytsev.

In addition, wearing a surgical mask over your mouth and nose as well as protective glasses may ward off inevitable blood splatter transmission. And if you’re going to shoot, aim for the head.

MMPD are working double duty to not only contain the zombies, but also the chaos they have induced within city limits which has risen to riot-like proportions.

“At the present time, the MMPD’s primary role in this situation is to seek and destroy this threat to our community by any means necessary. It is our duty and responsibility to keep the citizenry of Missing Mile safe and to prevent further contamination of our populous by this aggressive virus.  We urge all civilians to remain indoors and encourage them to reinforce all entryways and to keep away from windows,” said Deputy Inspector Lennon Daines in an official statement from the MMPD.

“Additionally, if you come to find you’ve been bitten or suspect even in the least that you may have been infected, seek immideate medical attention at the HAZMAT tent outside of Virtue Memorial Hospital.”

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  1. lol yes im in the paper again!

  2. I knew it would only be a matter of time.. and you’re not even in handcuffs! \o/

  3. im the innocent one…the only time you will catch me in handcuffs is when…..nevermind *giggle* you dont need or want to know that.

  4. wonders if a gossip column will cause too much chaos?

  5. Oh boy, in Missing Mile a gossip column could be an entire newspaper hahah.

  6. yeah lol thats true. but it will still be funny as long as no one takes it too seriously.

  7. ooOOOoo cuffs kinky stuff

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