Missing Mile's Independent Voice

Sleeper cell awakes in Missing Mile

In Crime, Terrorism on September 19, 2009 at 10:23 pm

Are these the new faces of evil in Missing Mile? According to various members of the MMPD and victims of their terrorist attacks, the answer is simple. Yes.

Seemingly gone are the days of the feared Carbon hockey mask in Missing Mile.  In its place, shemaghs and beards now mask the faces of terrorists belonging to an organization known simply as, Cell-13.

Approximately two weeks ago, MMPD began noticing new and suspicious faces in a town with an already notoriously high per capita crime rate. Coincidentally, these arrivals seemed to correspond with an increase in the arms trade, specifically old Soviet weaponry. However, it seems one event in particular put Cell-13 on MMPD’s radar.

whea heavily armed terrorist opened
fire on officers from the Moobys three days ago, we knew that it was going to be a huge
issue for us in the future.”

“When heavily armed terrorists opened fire on officers from Moobys three days ago, we knew that it [Cell-13] was going to be a huge issue for us in the future.” explained MMPD Chief Inspector Tyiler Scarbridge.

This was just the beginning of what became a bloody chain of events including planted car bombs, a human wall of gunfire, and kidnappings, one of which resulted in the death of a reported Cell-13 member. All spontaneous, and all aimed at victimizing members of the MMPD.

While a definitive motive has yet to be established, there is one MO which seems to have won the favour of popular opinion.

“My opinion, it’s some Middle Eastern prick who’s trying to get even with Americans,” stated Sergeant Asuna Kaligawa, who lost her vehicle to an explosion and suffered a gunshot wound at the hands of Cell-13.

Chief Scarbridge, kidnapping victim responsible for the death of one terrorist, elaborated on this sentiment. “They hate the American way of structure, the authority of the government and the police. This definitely leads to a situation of us [MMPD] being targets. ”

While it seems as though Cell-13 sprang out of nowhere, it is widely accepted that they are rooted in the Middle East where they have been trained in terrorist tactics.  Unfortunately, the training doesn’t stop there as locals are now being worked in to the fold of fear, whose numbers are currently confirmed at at least five.

“Many members of Cell-13 are foreign, but these foreign ringleaders have attracted several locals, mainly druggies and lowlifes with no other chance in life, to pick up guns for their twisted cause.” said Chief Scarbridge, who also identified his kidnapper as being from Iran.

Though their heritage and visibly different attire prove to be the most effective identifiers, it does raise concerns of racial discrimination, racial profiling, and vigilante justice.

“As a police officer I’ve learned to disconnect race. I don’t see people as Black or White, Asian or Middle Eastern, just good or bad.” Chief Scarbridge assured.  “I wish all people could see it that way too.”

As for vigilante justice, it is not expected or tolerated by MMPD and as such will be punished harshly.  “The only one who should handle these situations are properly trained peace officers and government personnel,” warned Chief Scarbridge.

MMPD is currently embarking on a number of professional development initiatives including, FBI Academy training with a focus on counter-terrorism for its Special Operations Division. In addition, Patrolmen will attend classes to ensure that they are capable of handling the situation before Special Ops arrive.

“MMPD has dealt with the likes of many gangs before, we can do it with Cell-13.”

Though the MMPD prohibits vigilante justice, it does encourage due viligance in personal safety and offered this description of potential Cell-13 members for your knowledge;

“The most accurate profile I can give you is of a male wearing desert or woodland camo items, combat gear, and  generally hiding their face with either a turban, mask, or sunglasses. Generally they have been of either Caucasion or Middle Eastern descent and between the ages of 20 to mid-30s. They are expected to be heavily armed and dangerous, mainly with old Soviet weapons such as the AK-47. If they do not have their face covered per religious beliefs they are likely to have a full beard.” offered Chief Scarbridge.

If you have a valid reason to be suspicious of someone who fits this profile, you are guided to call the MMPD immediately, and most importantly, do not approach them.

MMPD are anticipating future attacks, but Chief Scarbridge shared his number one way for civilians to steer clear of being victimized by terrorist activity; “Don’t try to be a hero.”

  1. My boss is gonna kill me for that comment

  2. hahahaha! Go easy on her. XD

  3. أسفل مع وسائل الإعلام الكافر ، ولكم جميعا أن تدفع لالتقاط صورة لنا من دون السماح لنا معا لتشكل ، تعطينا بعض الائتمان اللعينة… ((Down with the media and the infidel, and all you have to pay to take a picture of us without allowing us to come together to form, give us some damned credit…))

  4. There is no question that the MMPD will hunt down and apprehend the cowardly terrorists responsible for this. The Department has thrown its full weight into the investigation of these cowards.

  5. All I have to say is AMERICA FUCK YEAH!!

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