Missing Mile's Independent Voice

MMT Exclusive: ‘Machete Murderer’ Speaks

In Crime, Exclusive, Gangs on September 12, 2009 at 4:15 pm
A trademark mask sits atop a mess of documents on the desk of confessed 'Machete Murderer'.

A trademark mask sits atop a mess of documents on the desk of confessed 'Machete Murderer'.

Missing Mile Times was granted an exclusive interview with the man claiming responsibility for the recent ‘Machete Murders’.  He called and spoke two stipulations through his voice disguiser; come unarmed and come alone.

Masked female guards armed with MP7 submachine guns bordered the entrance. Another waited directly inside to conduct a weapons search. After proving my compliance,  I was ushered to the self-proclaimed killer. Face to mask with the man who claims that the only way the murders will stop is with his death.

He speaks with an undeniably British accent, his main identifier, and quickly set the atmosphere by placing a large shotgun on his metal desk with an echoing clang.  “So this is where the public hears of us. No more will we be a f*cking myth or a small hover of whispers around town,” he boldly announces, “You have my permission to ask me anything.”

He quickly establishes himself as a paradoxical psychopath, the type that would be classified as a ‘missionary’ or ‘mission-oriented’ killer who justifies their act by ridding the world of perceived undesirables.  Not unlike Ted Kaczynski or Aileen Wournos.

“This world we live in, it’s impure, full of corruption, hate and greed.  I offer the greedy people money, which they cannot repay.  I offer the hateful people a choice of death or join us and change their ways.  I offer the corrupt a place with us, or a place at the bottom of the swamp. I am purifying the world.” he stated in a startlingly text-book manner.

While it seemed as though the masked culprit infused a greater meaning in to his crimes, his detachment and near indifference to their details serves as a complex contradiction. When asked why the previous bodies were dismembered, he responded with “I was bored”.

Why a machete and an axe? “Brute force”.

And why the masks? “The masks are purely identity hiders. Those who do not know us can only describe us as masked men and women. And there are a lot of us.” He estimated his ranks at over 50 as of press time.

Almost equally disturbing was his disclosure of corruption within the MMPD. He claimed to have not one, but “many” members of the police force on his payroll and even went so far as to thank one of them stating, “I would be nothing without his help.”

Quick to seek out and rid corruption in others, I asked how he would describe himself and his organization, if not corrupt themselves.  “I am an amazing person, my operation kicks ass, and soon the world as we know it, the small town of Missing Mile, will be wrapped around our little f*cking finger.”

He echoed MMPD assurance that these murders do not threaten the average law-abiding citizen.  “People are safe, as long as they don’t stand in our way.”

However, he quickly followed with this haunting warning, “You can’t stay out of our way forever.  Sooner or later everyone will bump in to us. People have no idea how much pull we have in this town.”

Editor’s Note: In keeping with our mission statement and our vow to uphold the highest level of journalistic integrity, we reserve the right to withhold names and protect our sources.  We maintain that confidential sources are an essential tool in the search to uncover information of great public interest.


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